She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Too much gin, very little bucket
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
