i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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