Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
