last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
