is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
