And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
