I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
