...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
