It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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