the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
