The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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