Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
