hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My feet surprised me
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
