Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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