There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We talked him into tasing himself.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
