you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
A+ Viking dick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
