i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize