Don't make out with my wife yet
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
