smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You have to summon your inner elephant
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
