it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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