I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize