You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
