Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
