My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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