"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
