Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
