I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
