Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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