When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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