My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
