all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
