Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just googled if crying burns calories
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
