first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
