Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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