I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize