My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
