my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
