i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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