I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
