I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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