I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
