I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I love you. Go after that dick
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
