Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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