You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
