i jhust puked up my retainher.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
