hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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