I love black thongs
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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