I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm really into asian looking animals
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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