I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
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