You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
