i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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