He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
