The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
