Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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