found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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