Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
