i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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