Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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