I love black thongs
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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