the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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