some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
