I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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