you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
