dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
