My room smells like vodka and shame
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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