Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Randomize
