bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
