Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
