i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Randomize
