next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
