lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
