Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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