nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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