oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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