The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
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we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is the high leading the old right now
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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