sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
