You just made me feel so damn special
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
