Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
