I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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