We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
