I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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