If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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