Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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