i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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