he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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