i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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