Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
