Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
