Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
