dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
